Wow! I Have a Blog?!

It's been a while since I've posted on here. To be honest, I just haven't had the time. And, to be even more honest, I haven't felt any real need to post.

So, what's been going on with me you ask? Well, we're pretty much settled in our new house and I'm still trying to get "settled" in my new job. The job has been a little more difficult than the house since about every week since I've started I've been reporting somewhere different. Even though I'm a little anxious about this upcoming Monday, at least I'm scheduled to be in the same general area until September. Supposedly.

Well, I'll be sure to post again in less than two months this time.

The Simpsons Quotes

I got a lot of laughs out of this site. Particularly the Professor Frink and Ralph Wiggum pages. Check it out here

One of my favorite quotes:

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P
Nelson: Bart is pee!
Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

Happy Birthday Michelle!

To Michelle: Believe it or not, I still remember the first time I ever saw you. You were just a newborn; still at the hospital. I saw your crazy hair and thought, "That's my sister?" Remember, I was seven at the time and had absolutely no contact with babies (as far as I can remember).

Another super early memory of you: I took you to my first grade class for show-and-tell. Mom was there, of course. I didn't just stuff you into my book bag and head to school (can you tell I've related this story to Molly?). I got to hold you in front of my class and talk about how you were my new baby sister. I was so proud. And I'm just as proud of you now as I was back then.

However, I don't think we have show-and-tell at work but, if that changes, I'll let you know.

Anyway, I just wanted you let you know that I couldn't think of anyone in the world that I'd rather share my birthday with. Knowing that we have the exact same birthday (seven years apart) is something that I'll never get tired of. As an added bonus, I can always easily calculate your age by subtracting seven years off of my age. Pure genius!

As Cracker says: Happy Birtday to me, and to you!

Happy Birthday Michelle. I love you.

I Don't Like Cleaning Up Cat Vomit

The title of this post pretty much sums it all up but, after cleaning up six to seven piles of said cat vomit yesterday, I came to this realization. The only thing I really wonder about is why does some of the vomit, particularly the larger piles, resemble some sort of fabric or upholstery? I mean, I don't inspect cat vomit enough to see if there are any hair or hairballs involved but it is pretty weird.

By the way, isn't "upholstery" a weird word? It sounds like something a bandit would say in reference to his hold-up abilities. Example: "I feel like I've come a long way with my upholstery skills. I can rob a 7-11 in less than 4 minutes now. A personal best!"

House For Sale

Joy and I have lately been discussing how we can lower our bills. (I know this sounds like an info-mercial, but bear with me.) Since I'm starting a new job that will eventually pay significantly more than my current one, we had approached this issue with the "wait and see" mindset. Then one day, it hit us: we bought our house over five years ago and, since then, the market has changed. A lot. We decided to talk to family friend/realtor and get his opinion.

Last Monday, January 30th, the realtor came over and took a quick look over our house. After seeing our house, he seemed genuinely confident that he could sell it. The following Thursday, February 2nd, we signed some paperwork putting our house on the market.

Over the course of the next few days, we started looking at houses. One that's sort of in our neighborhood particularly caught our eye. But we kept seeing several other houses. Joy and I both kept comparing every house we saw back to the one in our neighborhood. No other house stuck out to us. After much discussion, prayer, and driving around, we decided to put a contract on the aforementioned house in our neighborhood on this past Monday, February 6th with the contingency being that we don't buy it until we sell our house.

I should mention that since the Thursday that our house went on the market we have had several people come in and see our home. Of these people, our realtor told us about a guy he's been working with for about a year. As a potential buyer, he has seen over fifty properties but couldn't make up his mind. Well, wouldn't you know it but he put a contract on our house yesterday, February 10th!

To sum it all up, we put our house on the market on February 2nd and eight days later it's sold (pending a ton of paperwork)! I should mention that the price we sold it for is almost twice what we originally paid for it. In other words, we should be able to pay most of our bills off when we move into the new house. We are set to close on our house on March 30th and he is set to close on ours on March 23rd. I am still in a little bit of shock that it worked out this way. I expected to be waiting around for a while until we sold. Now, all we have to worry about is the appraisal and home inspection on our house. Or do we? All the things I've been worrying about during this time have ended with it being obvious that I had no need to worry. Thank you Lord for the way you work things out so perfectly.

Anyway, I'll try to stay more updated with the whole house thing and I'll try to document it with pictures.

Well... BYE!

Some Recent Pictures

Our Jeep parked on the beach at the Oregon Inlet, NC.

Also found at the beach. I'm not sure what kind of animal this belonged to, but I'm almost 100% positive that it was a magical creature. A griffin perhaps.

This is what was left of some sort of shark. I'm guessing a sand shark since we found it lying in the sand. That's pretty logical.

I love black and white photography and I love this picture of Molly.

Hey, it's nature's candy necklace! Yum!

We drove by the cottage that we stayed in last August. Just for spite, we knocked the trash can over. That'll show 'em.

This is the hotel where Joy and I spent our honeymoon. Ten years ago next month.

Molly and Caleb playing on the sand dunes in Nags Head. I guess it's technically called "Jockey's Ridge".

I just finished burying my kids in the sand in this picture. Look! You can hardly see them! (I'm kidding of course.)

Molly and Caleb on the dunes again.

Joy on the phone at the sand dunes.

Joy on the phone (again) with Caleb. On the dunes, by the way.

She loves cheesing it up for the camera.

Joy at the dunes. Umm, on the phone again.

I think it's safe to say that we take a lot of pictures.

Mommy with the kids. She's not on the phone this time. Oh wait. Yes she is. She has the hands free set in her ear.

A fitting end to this series of pictures. Joy, Molly, and Caleb ascending the hill.

Stuff We're Doing Today

Today we're going to drive down to Nags Head, NC for the day. I've always liked going down there in the "off-season" because it's not as crazy busy. Also, this is gonna be my chance to have a little fun driving out on the beach with our Jeep Wrangler. I've been wanting to try out the four wheel drive on this one. We used to have a 1992 Jeep Wrangler and we had a lot of fun driving off road with that one.

Due to a number of reasons, we had to sell our beloved Jeep shortly after our daughter was born in 1999. Then, about five months ago we were shopping for a new car. My wife and I said, "Well, we've always been saying that we really want to get another Jeep whenever we can. This is our chance. Maybe the stuff people do in their lives don't amount to hill of beans. But this is our hill and these are our beans."

Okay, I stole the bit about the "hill of beans" from Naked Gun but you get the idea. I'll be sure to post some pictures of the emergency tow that I'm sure we'll require once our Jeep gets stuck on the Oregon Inlet in NC.

See ya!

Lotsa Gaps

I've gotten a little lazy when it comes to updating this blog. Maybe I need some sort of reason to keep posting here? I don't, really, but here I am anyway.

I finally got my Xbox 360 (no thanks to Gamestop) and I must say that I'm really enjoying it. The most ingenious thing that Microsoft did was to integrate Xbox Live Arcade so perfectly into the console. I'm not ashamed to say that I love Zuma, one very addictive Live Arcade title. My wife is hooked on it as well.

I got Perfect Dark Zero and it's pretty good. The strange thing was that when I decided to thumb through the game's manual, I noticed that the pages are all out of order. Bear in mind that this is not a "pre-owned" game. This was brand new, out of the shrink wrap and the manual is screwed up and is apparently missing at least four pages! Not that care all that much.

Maybe I could sell it on eBay?

The Moon

I saw the moon tonight and it struck me how the earth and the moon face each other. In sight but unreachable. The moon, shining brightest in the darkest night then forgotten the next day. Quietly fading away under the blinding brightness of the sun.

I thought how strange it must be to know your life's work may go unrecognized by the world but still hold so much purpose. But, maybe that doesn't really matter. The value of your life is not in the eye of the world; the world is fickle. Your life is important to God whether or not the world gives you a second thought.

Things You Should Never Do, Vol. 5

If you're trying to change a flat tire on your car at a strange gas station and the man running the shop comes up to you with a pick-axe and offers to help, you should go ahead and let him help. If you insist on using the shovel to remove the valve stem yourself, you will most likely anger this strange man and he may snatch the shovel from your hand and say, "Fine! Do it yourself then!" This wouldn't be so bad except that this particular man is a very animated speaker, so when he speaks the word "fine" he will most likely shake the shovel and inadvertantly jam about three inches of the blade into the very top of your skull. This won't kill you immediately, but you will have to go get a CT scan. Also, your memory will start fading and it will become difficult to stay awake. Not to mention the fact that you will constantly be messing with that new gaping hole in your head.

In other words, you should never refuse help from a weirdo wielding a pick-axe.

I was going to simply title this post "The Dream I Had Last Night In Which The Blade of a Shovel Punctured My Skull" but I decided to incorporate it into one of the latest "Things You Should Never Do".

Do You Smell Gas?

I smell gas. I think it's coming from over here in the corner. You think it's a leak? Should we call somebody or something? Well... I don't want to have to actually pay someone to check it. Isn't there some way we make sure it's gas? Can we light a match and see if the flame flutters or something like that?

Well, whatever. I'm getting kind of used to it. I can't even really smell it now. At all, actually. Oh well. I guess it was just my imagination.

Do you smell smoke?

Move Along, Nothing to See Here

Just a quick post. Following the subject of my last post, I have no Xbox 360. Although I was told last week by the manager that I would have my system before Christmas, one of the sales "people" told my wife tonight that since I was dead last on the preorder list, I won't get one until after Christmas. Huh?! How much conflicting information can one store give?

Well, I've learned one important lesson: Never shop at Gamestop. The staff is rude, preoccupied, and (seemingly) deceitful. At least at the location I visit. Or used to visit once I get my money back from that pre-order.

Two Days

In two days, the Xbox 360 is released. I have, in some prior posts, written about how I would go about funding the purchase of this gaming console. Well, it is pre-ordered, paid off, etc. The only problem is that I won't be getting one at launch. I preordered my copy on September 3rd but, according to the automated voice from Gamestop that called me the other day, if I ordered it after May 23rd, then I can hang up any chances of getting it on 11-22.

Oh well. Maybe waiting for it has been more fun than actually having it will be. I am reminded of a quote by Oscar Wilde that I heard recently:

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

I don't know about there only being two tragedies in all of life but you get the idea. Anyway, I'll be sure to report back in case I'm fortunate enough to pick one of these machines up before my vacation (which begins December 3rd).

Yes, I'm Still Around

I was wrong about blogging. For me anyway. Initially, I thought it could be sort of therapeutic; an emotional outlet of sorts. However, seeing how 99% of my posts are light hearted I think it's safe to say that if this were an "outlet" then what the heck is going on in the rest of my life?!

Seriously though, it really boils down to laziness. I've recently discovered the magic of RSS feeds (such as the one available on this website) and since I have just the news stories that I actually want to read delivered directly to my news aggregator (I love that word) I spend most of the time that I'm online reading news stories.

Since I'm on the subject of an RSS reader, let me make a suggestion. First I tried feedreader but it kept crashing my Windows98 machine. Then I tried rss reader and it was kind of bland. So I just decided to stick with the RSS Reader that is already built into Mozilla Thunderbird. I like it a lot.

Oh yeah, what was I supposed to be talking about? Oh, I'm lazy.

The end.

Things You Should Never Do, Vol. 4

You should never attempt to break up a fight between two intoxicated homeless people.

Aside from the obvious reason (i.e. endangering yourself), it is possible, and even likely, that the transient participants in said fight may actually want to fight until the finish. Naturally, I'm not implying that you allow one the fighters to be killed. I just propose you allow them to reach some sort of resolution. There could be a very legitimate reason for their fight. Perhaps the outcome will decide new territorial boundaries in the woods behind the furniture store. Or, maybe the winner will walk away with a (mostly)new pair of jeans.

Then again, how could you be totally sure they're homeless in the first place? They could just be rugged outdoorsmen with a score to settle. At least you can be fairly sure that they're intoxicated. I mean, I can smell them from here. Phew!

Caleb and My Dad

October 25th 2005 049
Originally uploaded by Faron Oakes.

I just finished uploading a bunch of my photos to my flickr site and I forgot that I'd taken this shot. I love it. It's a very good shot of my son and my dad. If you want to check out the other pictures click on the flickr link on the right side area of the screen. Later!

Just Under Six Months

I've got a new job. I am very excited and very happy to say that. Finally, I'll be working some hours that don't involve my getting home after 7:30pm every night.

The only down side is that I don't start my new job until April. But I guess that isn't too much of a down side. I could still be sitting in the same job six months from now. Plus, I'm able to give my boss a little more than the obligatory two weeks notice. Six months is a little more than a fortnight (I've been dying to use that word).

I guess I'll post more later but right now I've got to go scoop cat feces out of a pile of perfumey sand next to my refrigerator. Delicious! Sorry I don't have more to say. Have a great night!

One last thing: This is post number 97. I'm so lazy I still haven't made it past 100 yet.

Phrases I'd Like to Someday Use In a Real Conversation

As the title of this post suggests, here is a collection of phrases that I think sound cool and I would like to say without it sounding forced or insincere:

"The end justifies the means."

"At last. At long last, the transformation is complete."

"Put that gun away!"

"I never knew we had a basement!"

"I can still see it with my waking eyes."

"This ranch isn't for sale."

"I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes."

"How much time passed between when the spider bit your cheek and when the nest ruptured, sending dozens of spider babies crawling into your eyes and nostrils?"

"Six feet is deep enough isn't it?"

"I always thought those could fly."

"Why don't you just die?"

"Even the Amish bathe."

"Which way is up?"

"I never thought I'd see you again."

"It can smell your fear."

"Six feet is never enough. Keep digging."

"I still say that mistletoe is edible and delicious!"

"Say that again and you'll be wearing dentures."

"Where is the U.S. embassy?"

"I already wear dentures, so THERE!"

"MUST... ESCAPE... DIMENSIONAL... VORTEX!!"

"Thanks and you folks have a great night. By the way, I spit in your meal and I'm quitting tonight anyway."

"It's okay, I guess. It's just that I was really was going for that Cyndi Lauper look."

"Today? Why, it's Christmas day, sir!"

"Here, take my card."

"High Definition is neither."

"You do realize that was a slug, right? Just checking."

"It's your turn to flip her and check for bedsores. I'm tired of driving the forklift. I'm not even certified!"

"I stand corrected. It didn't taste very good at all. By the way, could you please call poison control?"

Things You Should Never Do, Vol. 3

You should never put a carpet with rubber backing in your dryer.

Apparently, various chunks, bits, etc. of rubber will suddenly populate your dryer and its exhaust tubing. A fine layer of springy powder will then line the inner casing of your dryer. This is mostly harmless except for those who are very allergic to latex. (Enjoy wearing clothes now you hyper-allergic freak!)

This is why this qualifies (however boring) as a "Thing You Should Never Do".

By the way, is it obvious that I'm simply trying to increase my post count? It is? I was trying to hide my goal, but oh well.

Well, BYE!

This One's for You, Michelle

'Nuff said: