Our Trip

We went to Luray this weekend and had a great time. It was really wonderful to spend so much time with my wife and kids. Anyway, here are a few select shots from the trip. There are more available for viewing at my flickr site.

Here we are at one of the mountain overlooks on Skyline Drive.

Joy and Caleb checking out some of the stalactite formations at Luray Caverns.

Here's Molly reading a book at our room/cottage/whatever. I tried to get the background in the shot since we had an awesome view of the valley below but instead it just looks like any other deck. Oh well.

Here's the handsome couple in the television-less, telephone-less room at the Skyland Resort located at the highest point on the Skyline Drive. Or so the signs claim.

Molly standing in front of Star the pony just before she went for a ride. Ain't she a cutie? (I'm talking about Molly, not the pony.)

There she is riding Star the pony. Oh, and that's me leading way through the maze of equine excrement. It was actually very fun despite the fact that it was pretty chilly that morning.

Another one of Molly.

And one of Caleb.

Until next time (when I decide to stop being lazy and post something more) have a great evening.

Hooray for Luray!

Clever title, don't you think? It will seem even more clever once I reveal the following information: We are driving to Luray, Virginia this weekend.

You remember Luray right? The quiet one that nobody ever really noticed in school but now runs a multi-national, multi-million dollar business? Yea, that's the one.

I'm tired.

Artoo Dee Tow

That's how my son pronounces "R2-D2" when he's playing Lego Star Wars (a very good game by the way).

By the way, check out my Xbox 360's blog. There are a couple of new entries. Worth a chuckle or two. I mean, worth a chuckle or tow.

My Xbox 360 Has a Blog

Well, I just started it today so it may not have much of anything. But, it seems like a pretty clever idea. Basically, it tracks my gaming habits/history and generates blog entries automatically. Pretty cool. Check it out right here.

Wow! I Have a Blog?!

It's been a while since I've posted on here. To be honest, I just haven't had the time. And, to be even more honest, I haven't felt any real need to post.

So, what's been going on with me you ask? Well, we're pretty much settled in our new house and I'm still trying to get "settled" in my new job. The job has been a little more difficult than the house since about every week since I've started I've been reporting somewhere different. Even though I'm a little anxious about this upcoming Monday, at least I'm scheduled to be in the same general area until September. Supposedly.

Well, I'll be sure to post again in less than two months this time.

The Simpsons Quotes

I got a lot of laughs out of this site. Particularly the Professor Frink and Ralph Wiggum pages. Check it out here

One of my favorite quotes:

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P
Nelson: Bart is pee!
Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

Happy Birthday Michelle!

To Michelle: Believe it or not, I still remember the first time I ever saw you. You were just a newborn; still at the hospital. I saw your crazy hair and thought, "That's my sister?" Remember, I was seven at the time and had absolutely no contact with babies (as far as I can remember).

Another super early memory of you: I took you to my first grade class for show-and-tell. Mom was there, of course. I didn't just stuff you into my book bag and head to school (can you tell I've related this story to Molly?). I got to hold you in front of my class and talk about how you were my new baby sister. I was so proud. And I'm just as proud of you now as I was back then.

However, I don't think we have show-and-tell at work but, if that changes, I'll let you know.

Anyway, I just wanted you let you know that I couldn't think of anyone in the world that I'd rather share my birthday with. Knowing that we have the exact same birthday (seven years apart) is something that I'll never get tired of. As an added bonus, I can always easily calculate your age by subtracting seven years off of my age. Pure genius!

As Cracker says: Happy Birtday to me, and to you!

Happy Birthday Michelle. I love you.

I Don't Like Cleaning Up Cat Vomit

The title of this post pretty much sums it all up but, after cleaning up six to seven piles of said cat vomit yesterday, I came to this realization. The only thing I really wonder about is why does some of the vomit, particularly the larger piles, resemble some sort of fabric or upholstery? I mean, I don't inspect cat vomit enough to see if there are any hair or hairballs involved but it is pretty weird.

By the way, isn't "upholstery" a weird word? It sounds like something a bandit would say in reference to his hold-up abilities. Example: "I feel like I've come a long way with my upholstery skills. I can rob a 7-11 in less than 4 minutes now. A personal best!"

House For Sale

Joy and I have lately been discussing how we can lower our bills. (I know this sounds like an info-mercial, but bear with me.) Since I'm starting a new job that will eventually pay significantly more than my current one, we had approached this issue with the "wait and see" mindset. Then one day, it hit us: we bought our house over five years ago and, since then, the market has changed. A lot. We decided to talk to family friend/realtor and get his opinion.

Last Monday, January 30th, the realtor came over and took a quick look over our house. After seeing our house, he seemed genuinely confident that he could sell it. The following Thursday, February 2nd, we signed some paperwork putting our house on the market.

Over the course of the next few days, we started looking at houses. One that's sort of in our neighborhood particularly caught our eye. But we kept seeing several other houses. Joy and I both kept comparing every house we saw back to the one in our neighborhood. No other house stuck out to us. After much discussion, prayer, and driving around, we decided to put a contract on the aforementioned house in our neighborhood on this past Monday, February 6th with the contingency being that we don't buy it until we sell our house.

I should mention that since the Thursday that our house went on the market we have had several people come in and see our home. Of these people, our realtor told us about a guy he's been working with for about a year. As a potential buyer, he has seen over fifty properties but couldn't make up his mind. Well, wouldn't you know it but he put a contract on our house yesterday, February 10th!

To sum it all up, we put our house on the market on February 2nd and eight days later it's sold (pending a ton of paperwork)! I should mention that the price we sold it for is almost twice what we originally paid for it. In other words, we should be able to pay most of our bills off when we move into the new house. We are set to close on our house on March 30th and he is set to close on ours on March 23rd. I am still in a little bit of shock that it worked out this way. I expected to be waiting around for a while until we sold. Now, all we have to worry about is the appraisal and home inspection on our house. Or do we? All the things I've been worrying about during this time have ended with it being obvious that I had no need to worry. Thank you Lord for the way you work things out so perfectly.

Anyway, I'll try to stay more updated with the whole house thing and I'll try to document it with pictures.

Well... BYE!

Some Recent Pictures

Our Jeep parked on the beach at the Oregon Inlet, NC.

Also found at the beach. I'm not sure what kind of animal this belonged to, but I'm almost 100% positive that it was a magical creature. A griffin perhaps.

This is what was left of some sort of shark. I'm guessing a sand shark since we found it lying in the sand. That's pretty logical.

I love black and white photography and I love this picture of Molly.

Hey, it's nature's candy necklace! Yum!

We drove by the cottage that we stayed in last August. Just for spite, we knocked the trash can over. That'll show 'em.

This is the hotel where Joy and I spent our honeymoon. Ten years ago next month.

Molly and Caleb playing on the sand dunes in Nags Head. I guess it's technically called "Jockey's Ridge".

I just finished burying my kids in the sand in this picture. Look! You can hardly see them! (I'm kidding of course.)

Molly and Caleb on the dunes again.

Joy on the phone at the sand dunes.

Joy on the phone (again) with Caleb. On the dunes, by the way.

She loves cheesing it up for the camera.

Joy at the dunes. Umm, on the phone again.

I think it's safe to say that we take a lot of pictures.

Mommy with the kids. She's not on the phone this time. Oh wait. Yes she is. She has the hands free set in her ear.

A fitting end to this series of pictures. Joy, Molly, and Caleb ascending the hill.

Stuff We're Doing Today

Today we're going to drive down to Nags Head, NC for the day. I've always liked going down there in the "off-season" because it's not as crazy busy. Also, this is gonna be my chance to have a little fun driving out on the beach with our Jeep Wrangler. I've been wanting to try out the four wheel drive on this one. We used to have a 1992 Jeep Wrangler and we had a lot of fun driving off road with that one.

Due to a number of reasons, we had to sell our beloved Jeep shortly after our daughter was born in 1999. Then, about five months ago we were shopping for a new car. My wife and I said, "Well, we've always been saying that we really want to get another Jeep whenever we can. This is our chance. Maybe the stuff people do in their lives don't amount to hill of beans. But this is our hill and these are our beans."

Okay, I stole the bit about the "hill of beans" from Naked Gun but you get the idea. I'll be sure to post some pictures of the emergency tow that I'm sure we'll require once our Jeep gets stuck on the Oregon Inlet in NC.

See ya!

Lotsa Gaps

I've gotten a little lazy when it comes to updating this blog. Maybe I need some sort of reason to keep posting here? I don't, really, but here I am anyway.

I finally got my Xbox 360 (no thanks to Gamestop) and I must say that I'm really enjoying it. The most ingenious thing that Microsoft did was to integrate Xbox Live Arcade so perfectly into the console. I'm not ashamed to say that I love Zuma, one very addictive Live Arcade title. My wife is hooked on it as well.

I got Perfect Dark Zero and it's pretty good. The strange thing was that when I decided to thumb through the game's manual, I noticed that the pages are all out of order. Bear in mind that this is not a "pre-owned" game. This was brand new, out of the shrink wrap and the manual is screwed up and is apparently missing at least four pages! Not that care all that much.

Maybe I could sell it on eBay?

The Moon

I saw the moon tonight and it struck me how the earth and the moon face each other. In sight but unreachable. The moon, shining brightest in the darkest night then forgotten the next day. Quietly fading away under the blinding brightness of the sun.

I thought how strange it must be to know your life's work may go unrecognized by the world but still hold so much purpose. But, maybe that doesn't really matter. The value of your life is not in the eye of the world; the world is fickle. Your life is important to God whether or not the world gives you a second thought.

Things You Should Never Do, Vol. 5

If you're trying to change a flat tire on your car at a strange gas station and the man running the shop comes up to you with a pick-axe and offers to help, you should go ahead and let him help. If you insist on using the shovel to remove the valve stem yourself, you will most likely anger this strange man and he may snatch the shovel from your hand and say, "Fine! Do it yourself then!" This wouldn't be so bad except that this particular man is a very animated speaker, so when he speaks the word "fine" he will most likely shake the shovel and inadvertantly jam about three inches of the blade into the very top of your skull. This won't kill you immediately, but you will have to go get a CT scan. Also, your memory will start fading and it will become difficult to stay awake. Not to mention the fact that you will constantly be messing with that new gaping hole in your head.

In other words, you should never refuse help from a weirdo wielding a pick-axe.

I was going to simply title this post "The Dream I Had Last Night In Which The Blade of a Shovel Punctured My Skull" but I decided to incorporate it into one of the latest "Things You Should Never Do".

Do You Smell Gas?

I smell gas. I think it's coming from over here in the corner. You think it's a leak? Should we call somebody or something? Well... I don't want to have to actually pay someone to check it. Isn't there some way we make sure it's gas? Can we light a match and see if the flame flutters or something like that?

Well, whatever. I'm getting kind of used to it. I can't even really smell it now. At all, actually. Oh well. I guess it was just my imagination.

Do you smell smoke?

Move Along, Nothing to See Here

Just a quick post. Following the subject of my last post, I have no Xbox 360. Although I was told last week by the manager that I would have my system before Christmas, one of the sales "people" told my wife tonight that since I was dead last on the preorder list, I won't get one until after Christmas. Huh?! How much conflicting information can one store give?

Well, I've learned one important lesson: Never shop at Gamestop. The staff is rude, preoccupied, and (seemingly) deceitful. At least at the location I visit. Or used to visit once I get my money back from that pre-order.

Two Days

In two days, the Xbox 360 is released. I have, in some prior posts, written about how I would go about funding the purchase of this gaming console. Well, it is pre-ordered, paid off, etc. The only problem is that I won't be getting one at launch. I preordered my copy on September 3rd but, according to the automated voice from Gamestop that called me the other day, if I ordered it after May 23rd, then I can hang up any chances of getting it on 11-22.

Oh well. Maybe waiting for it has been more fun than actually having it will be. I am reminded of a quote by Oscar Wilde that I heard recently:

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

I don't know about there only being two tragedies in all of life but you get the idea. Anyway, I'll be sure to report back in case I'm fortunate enough to pick one of these machines up before my vacation (which begins December 3rd).

Yes, I'm Still Around

I was wrong about blogging. For me anyway. Initially, I thought it could be sort of therapeutic; an emotional outlet of sorts. However, seeing how 99% of my posts are light hearted I think it's safe to say that if this were an "outlet" then what the heck is going on in the rest of my life?!

Seriously though, it really boils down to laziness. I've recently discovered the magic of RSS feeds (such as the one available on this website) and since I have just the news stories that I actually want to read delivered directly to my news aggregator (I love that word) I spend most of the time that I'm online reading news stories.

Since I'm on the subject of an RSS reader, let me make a suggestion. First I tried feedreader but it kept crashing my Windows98 machine. Then I tried rss reader and it was kind of bland. So I just decided to stick with the RSS Reader that is already built into Mozilla Thunderbird. I like it a lot.

Oh yeah, what was I supposed to be talking about? Oh, I'm lazy.

The end.

Things You Should Never Do, Vol. 4

You should never attempt to break up a fight between two intoxicated homeless people.

Aside from the obvious reason (i.e. endangering yourself), it is possible, and even likely, that the transient participants in said fight may actually want to fight until the finish. Naturally, I'm not implying that you allow one the fighters to be killed. I just propose you allow them to reach some sort of resolution. There could be a very legitimate reason for their fight. Perhaps the outcome will decide new territorial boundaries in the woods behind the furniture store. Or, maybe the winner will walk away with a (mostly)new pair of jeans.

Then again, how could you be totally sure they're homeless in the first place? They could just be rugged outdoorsmen with a score to settle. At least you can be fairly sure that they're intoxicated. I mean, I can smell them from here. Phew!

Caleb and My Dad

October 25th 2005 049
Originally uploaded by Faron Oakes.

I just finished uploading a bunch of my photos to my flickr site and I forgot that I'd taken this shot. I love it. It's a very good shot of my son and my dad. If you want to check out the other pictures click on the flickr link on the right side area of the screen. Later!

Just Under Six Months

I've got a new job. I am very excited and very happy to say that. Finally, I'll be working some hours that don't involve my getting home after 7:30pm every night.

The only down side is that I don't start my new job until April. But I guess that isn't too much of a down side. I could still be sitting in the same job six months from now. Plus, I'm able to give my boss a little more than the obligatory two weeks notice. Six months is a little more than a fortnight (I've been dying to use that word).

I guess I'll post more later but right now I've got to go scoop cat feces out of a pile of perfumey sand next to my refrigerator. Delicious! Sorry I don't have more to say. Have a great night!

One last thing: This is post number 97. I'm so lazy I still haven't made it past 100 yet.

Phrases I'd Like to Someday Use In a Real Conversation

As the title of this post suggests, here is a collection of phrases that I think sound cool and I would like to say without it sounding forced or insincere:

"The end justifies the means."

"At last. At long last, the transformation is complete."

"Put that gun away!"

"I never knew we had a basement!"

"I can still see it with my waking eyes."

"This ranch isn't for sale."

"I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes."

"How much time passed between when the spider bit your cheek and when the nest ruptured, sending dozens of spider babies crawling into your eyes and nostrils?"

"Six feet is deep enough isn't it?"

"I always thought those could fly."

"Why don't you just die?"

"Even the Amish bathe."

"Which way is up?"

"I never thought I'd see you again."

"It can smell your fear."

"Six feet is never enough. Keep digging."

"I still say that mistletoe is edible and delicious!"

"Say that again and you'll be wearing dentures."

"Where is the U.S. embassy?"

"I already wear dentures, so THERE!"

"MUST... ESCAPE... DIMENSIONAL... VORTEX!!"

"Thanks and you folks have a great night. By the way, I spit in your meal and I'm quitting tonight anyway."

"It's okay, I guess. It's just that I was really was going for that Cyndi Lauper look."

"Today? Why, it's Christmas day, sir!"

"Here, take my card."

"High Definition is neither."

"You do realize that was a slug, right? Just checking."

"It's your turn to flip her and check for bedsores. I'm tired of driving the forklift. I'm not even certified!"

"I stand corrected. It didn't taste very good at all. By the way, could you please call poison control?"

Things You Should Never Do, Vol. 3

You should never put a carpet with rubber backing in your dryer.

Apparently, various chunks, bits, etc. of rubber will suddenly populate your dryer and its exhaust tubing. A fine layer of springy powder will then line the inner casing of your dryer. This is mostly harmless except for those who are very allergic to latex. (Enjoy wearing clothes now you hyper-allergic freak!)

This is why this qualifies (however boring) as a "Thing You Should Never Do".

By the way, is it obvious that I'm simply trying to increase my post count? It is? I was trying to hide my goal, but oh well.

Well, BYE!

This One's for You, Michelle

'Nuff said:

I'm a Hack

I seek out and find so much junk on the internet (see my He-Man post) that I post on here. The main reason is that I think it's funny or cool and I'm afraid that I won't remember where or how I found it. I actually stumbled upon the following picture when I was looking for a Vac-Man picture.

Deep inside, I believe this picture is doctored. I have to believe that. Otherwise, the very fabric of my sanity would disintegrate.

It's All Over Now (Baby Blue)

Yes, I completely stole that from a Bob Dylan song but, oh well. I seriously doubt that Mr. Zimmerman reads this blog.

Anyway, "What", you may ask, "is over?" Well, I've now officially sold enough crap on eBay to cover the cost of the Xbox 360. I was kind of holding my breath since I had sold my old Vac-Man toy to someone in England and I shipped it via USPS Global Economy Parcel Post. That was mistake. The term "Global Economy Parcel Post" is actually US postal-speak for "Vomit-inducingly Long Shipping Method". I'm not exaggerating.

I shipped the aforementioned Vac-Man on August 26th and it just arrived on October 6th. I was seriously afraid that I was going to have to refund all of that poor Brit's money. Praise the Lord it finally showed up. As a side note, I had no idea that there was a toy called "Frankenbumps" that is apparently the original inspiration for the Vac-Man doll.

Hmmmm... I wonder how much a european would pay for Frankenbumps on eBay?

Now I'm Blogging via w.bloggar

Okay, now I'm going to see what happens when I use the bloggar program to post a picture. Heregoes:

This is picture of a sunflower.

Blogging via Flickr

When I posted that last picture of Molly, I didn't like the way Blogger adjusted the size lowered the quality of the picture. Hopefully this will look a little better.

Have I mentioned that I love rainy Saturdays?

Finally, A New Post

I love this picture of Molly. Joy took it when Molly went on a field trip with her kindergarten class a couple of days ago. There are a lot of really good pictures but I can't post them all here right now. I've got a lot of them over at my flickr site right now, so if you want to check them out head over there.

Have a great day!

Robot Insurance

I saw Sam Waterston in a commercial or something yesterday and it reminded me that he was in one of my all time favorite SNL commercials. It was about Robot Insurance for senior citizens and you can see it here. My favorite line: "When they grab you with their claws, you can't break free because they're made of metal and robots are strong." Let me know what you think.

By the way, it's still not as funny as the He-Man video that I linked to last week. That still makes me laugh out loud when I see it.

Van For Sale

We're selling our 1996 Dodge Caravan. At first I thought we'd sell it on eBay, but then I got lazy and just listed it in our local paper. So far I've gotten one call and that guy could barely speak English. He didn't even recognize the name of the city I live in. Funny, I had no idea my local Daily Press was delivered to Bangladesh!

Anyway, if we don't have any luck, I'm just going to go ahead and list it on eBay. At least there I can get some more exposure (or so I think).

Have a great weekend and, by the way, if you're interested in a 1996 Dodge Caravan, driven daily, in good condition, for under $2,000 then drop me a line. Thanks!

Beware Your Small Children

This article is kinda funny in a sad sort of way. Luckily, no one was killed. Although, it should really make some parents rethink leaving their kids in a car with the car keys in it.

Slack. Even at games!

As I mentioned in my earlier post, I'm getting back into Morrowind in order to get all psyched up about Oblivion coming out. Well, throughout this whole weekend I've spent just under an hour playing Morrowind. That's it and that's okay. I'm not mad about that.

However, it's fairly evident that I'm not going to finish this game. Let me be a little more specific: There is absolutely no way I'm going to even come close to finishing this game before Oblivion comes out. Oh well. At least I've accepted it but, here's the scary part: Oblivion is supposed to be even bigger than Morrowind (and a lot prettier). That means that I won't even complete Oblivion when it does come out but, that doesn't bother me either. Here's why: I rarely finish a videogame from beginning to end. I can only think of few in recent years that I've actually beaten.

Man, what a slacker I am! But that's minor compared to this problem: I use colons way too much. Just look at this post! It's littered with them. Sheesh! Talk about lazy!

Now I'm using exclamation points too much again. Arghhh. Well, at least I've admitted I have a problem. Now I just need to find the proper twelve step program that I can join and subsequently quit before finishing.

So....

Not much going on here. I'm working this weekend and I've recently decided get back into Morrowind and try to beat it before it's sequel, Oblivion, comes out in November. I already know that I'm deluding myself. There's absolutely no way that I'll finish Morrowind in less than two months.

In case you're not aware of this, the Elder Scrolls series is famous for providing the most open-ended gameplay imaginable. You can practically do whatever you want in the world of Morrowind. You can completely ignore the main quest and still spend hundreds of hours in the game. I'd forgotten how much fun this game can be.

You might be wondering why I'm so sure I won't finish this game before Oblivion's release. Here's why: I purchased Morrowind for the Xbox when it came out in June of 2002 and I never finished it. Here it is three years later and I still want to try to finish it.

Is this perserverance? Willpower? No. There's probably one word that most people would use to describe all of this: Stupidity.

I've never denied that playing videogames is a waste of time. It ranks right up there with going to the movies, watching television, and following professional sports. All are a waste of time. But all provide a form of release or, I daresay, escapism. GASP! There I said it. I enjoy escapism from time to time. What's so bad about that? Just like the old "Cheers" theme song said:"Wouldn't you like to get away? / Sometimes you wanna go / Where everybody knows your name./ And they're always glad you came / You wanna waste sometime with us / You've got nothing better to do / Your life is so pathetic and so are you." It goes something like that except that I obviously tried to be funny.

One last thing before I close this obnoxiously boring post: In spite of all the time I spend writing about videogames this or Xbox that, I really don't spend all that much time playing games. It's just a "hobby" thanks to my "real" life. Stay tuned for more boring updates.

Correction

It has come to my attention that the link to the PETA story in my previous post required readers to register before being able to read it. I have changed the link so that anyone can read it. The new article isn't as in depth as the other but it's still good. For future reference, there's a site called bugmenot.com that allows you to log on to news websites without having to go through all of that registration mumbo-jumbo. Anyway, all is better now. Thanks, Michelle, for the heads up!

An Example of PETA's Sensationalistic Stupidity

I read this story yesterday, and it just helped to rekindle my utter disdain for PETA. Let me sum up the article for you: PETA likens cruelty to animals (and I use the term "cruelty" loosely) to the civil rights struggles of blacks in America. HUH?!

Hmmm. Which is more important to PETA: Equal rights for all Americans or ending all forms of meat consumption in this country? I think we all know the answer to that. Maybe if there were some "whites only" restaurants that refused to serve meat, PETA would be okay with that.

In case you can't tell, I hope this completely blows up in this organization's face. Of course, it probably won't since the major media outlets won't push a story that puts PETA in a bad light. Oh well. At least PETA is showing what their priorities in this society are.

Hurricane Rita

Well, I'm officially sick of hurricane season. That's probably a pretty pathetic sentiment compared with all of the people in Texas, Louisana, etc. that are actually being directly affected by the storms.

Speaking of the plural word, "storms", why are we at the letter "R"? I'm not blaming global warming (since I'm not a sworn believer like so many others that act like it is simply fact - it's not) I'm concerned about the names. Where do we go if we actually get past the letter "Z"? Do we go ahead and start using next year's list and just keep borrowing forever? If so, at some point we're going to have to cancel hurricane season. I know this is a little unorthodox, but think of all the destruction we can avoid if we just cancel hurricane season. People would have a chance to re-think things. To see what's what in their lives in relation to hurricanes. Think about it.

It worked for the NHL.

He-Man's Fabulous Powers

I know that I piggyback on the links that I find over at XMG a lot, but in this case, I just couldn't resist. I literally was laughing out loud for pretty much the whole time. Check out this link and let me know what you think.

By the way, despite what you think, I'm still going to say that this is hilarious. Until next time...

Yeah, You Better Run Ophelia!

That's right, I'm talking to you. You thought you were all big and bad and stuff and were gonna, like, beat us down over here and whateva. But you so slow you couldn't even decide where you wanted hit. Sure, you tried picking on the outer banks in North Carolina. What else is new? Almost every hurricane does that.

Then you thought you were scaring Virginia with the way you was swirlin' and twirlin' down there but we were like, "We ain't scared. Show us what you got Ofeeya! Go 'head and knock down our housing. We ain't scared of losing our houses. Shoot. Go on with yo bad self."

So now we looking at the news and we be laughing! You like, "Guess I'm gonna go on up to New England and scare dose folks cuz they prolly scared of a big ol' hurricane." Yeah, yeah. You go on up there. You ain't scare us anyway cuz you so weak. All we wanted was some rain from you. Dat's right! We wanted something from you! Ha!

See you in six years but I bet you won't barely make it to a tropical storm then. Jus' don't forget: Virginia sent Ofeeya running. HOLLA!!

Things You Should Never Do, Vol 2

Today's issue of Things You Should Never Do: You should never cover a baby in barbeque sauce and then hold him/her in front of a Chow dog.

The Chow may actually eat said baby. Now, this may or may not be a proven scientific fact, but it I'm pretty sure that I heard something somewhere about a Chow eating a baby. Even if it's not a proven fact, it's still not a good idea to lather a baby in barbeque sauce whether or not you hold him/her in front of a dog.

Just so you never forget. Here are a couple images to make sure you never forget today's Things You Should Never Do:

Funny Commercial

I saw this commercial yesterday. It's very funny (in my opinion). Someone over at XMG was kind enough to find a link to it. Let me know what you think. Have a great day!

Hurricane Ophelia

Hurricane Ophelia is making its way along the east coast and may soon pass over my house. Well, partially anyway. Fortunately, it's not supposed to be super strong when it hits. If I'm wrong and it is in fact "super-strong", then you'll know when you see that my posts will stop forever. Then again, I may do that just to make a point.

Anyway, I find it sort of ironic that this hurricane is named "Ophelia" since in the play "Hamlet" by William Shakespeare, the character Ophelia committed suicide by drowning herself. (At least that's what happened in the movie version by Mel Gibson.) Get the connection? Hurricane = water. Ophelia, Hamlet's sister, = drowning in water. Maybe it's not so much ironic as it is an uncanny coincidence.

If you'd like to learn more about Ophelia's death in Hamlet, visit your local library and ask one of the homeless people to please get off the computer so you can look up Ophelia on the library's system. Or, you could just click here.

Have a great night!

Things You Should Never Do

Today's issue of "Things You Should Never Do":

You should never drink gasoline. Its main use is as a fuel in combustible engines. In other words, it's highly flammable. Not only that, recent studies have shown that if you drink it, you've got a really good chance of dying within hours. So, once more: You should never drink gasoline.

This has been "Things You Should Never Do". Until next time, be careful out there!

How Long Are You Going To Just Sit There?

Well? I've been running myself ragged all week and everytime I see you, you're sitting down. Do you even know where the trash can is? I mean, look at all of those nail clippings? A normal person would know that's disgusting but you just sit there staring at me like I'm the crazy one. What did you say? As a matter of fact I do clip my fingernails regularly. I just don't do it while others are trying to watch a movie or eat breakfast.

Yes, I am still mad about the breakfast thing. Go ahead and laugh. Laugh your head off. I didn't think it was so funny when your nasty toe nail flew into my cereal. Thanks to you, I'll never be able to eat frosted flakes again.

Ah, now you gingerly pick up your nail clippings. If I hadn't said anything, would we be wading around this house in finger and toe nail clippings?

By the way, will you please get rid of that annoying typewriter? I know you're busy writing the next great American novel, but we do own a computer.

Okay, explain to me how, exactly, a typewriter inspires you creatively. The sound. The sound!? The incessant "click click click DING SHHDOOK click click"? That's ridiculous. Well, if that's true then I guess I understand why you love to recklessly clip your nails: you're fighting writer's block!

I give up. Why do I even try? What do you want for dinner? Nah, I'm just going to have a bowl of cereal.

A Quick Post

Just a quick recap of what's what right now. My daughter started kindergarten on Tuesday. So far, so good for her. She's shy but I'm sure she'll come out of her shell at her own pace. I know I did. No wait. That's wrong. I never really came out of my shell. I still carry it on my back like a hermit crab. Why do all of these posts wind up revolving around me?

Back on topic: I work tomorrow (Thursday) and I'm off on Friday. I'm not entirely off on Friday. I have a job interview on so I hope that goes well. I would really love to get a job that's a little closer to home. I'm sick of the forty-five minute commute, especially with the current price of gas. That's all for now I guess. I'll try to post something about how the interview goes on Friday. Right now, the main thing that's worrying me about the interview is where I'm going to park. Maybe if I focus on that, I won't have time to worry about the interview itself.

Later!

Fruity/Cocoa Pebbles vs. The Flintstones

After just seeing a commercial for Post Fruity Pebbles something hit me. My children, ages 2 and 5, are not familiar with the Flintstones cartoon show. They may have seen it once or twice a while back, but I'm positive that if they did see it they would immediately say something like, "Hey! That's Fred and Barney from the Fruity pebbles cereal!"

Now, this isn't something that actually bothers me but it just got me thinking that this is all due to the fact that Turner communications owns the rights (for lack of a better term) to the Flintstones. It now only shows on the Boomerang channel which is kind of a spin off of the cartoon network. I love the Boomerang network but when I was a kid, I could watch all sorts of cartoons, whether it was a weekday afternoon or Saturday morning, on over the air broadcast channels. How many kids look forward to getting up on Saturday mornings now just to watch cartoons? Now if you try to see a cartoon on a broadcast channel, it's invariably Pokemon or Digimon or some other show featuring a spikey-haired kid talking loudly. It's an insignificant change but hey, I'm being nostalgic here.

When my wife and I first got married, we lived in this apartment complex that didn't get cable from the local cable TV provider. No, they had (and still have) their own 10' satellite dish that actually received less than even the most basic cable. Oh, you could add HBO (and I hate HBO) but that was about it. You can even go to Yahoo!'s TV listings and see Westwood apartments has their own "service provider section. Check it out here.

Anyway, each morning when we were getting ready for work, we'd turn it on the TNT network and watch Scooby-Doo. This was all circa 1996. About a year or so later, no more Scooby-Doo. Scooby-Doo had gone to being shown exclusively on the Cartoon Network which we did not receive. In a sad twist of fate, we resorted to watching Chips on TNT each morning. John and Ponch served their purpose, I guess. Strangely, I don't think Chips is exclusive anywhere. And I don't even know what channel TNT is on Directv. That's how useless that network has become for me.

The bottom line is this: I love cereal but I don't like the TNT network. Stupid Ted Turner. Until next time, here's a shot of the Scooby-Doo substitues:

Are We Bad Parents? Don't Answer Yet...

Today was such a beautiful day, we decided to take the top down on the Jeep. Around nine o'clock, we went to Sonic and ate outside at their little picnic-style area (since it was so beautiful but I think I already mentioned that part). While we were sitting there waiting for our food to come, our son was shifting around on the rubber coated metal picnic benches when I heard him yell, "I'm beeding!" which, being translated means, roughly, "I'm bleeding". Anyway, I realized that it was just from where he had scraped a scab off so it was bleeding a little. I cleaned it up and thought nothing more of it. A few minutes later, I saw that he had some dried blood on his shin. There were other people eating nearby and I didn't want to gross them out if they saw my son's bloody shin. We had some baby wipes in the Jeep which would have cleaned it up nicely but we were parked over twenty yards away and I was feeling kind of lazy.

After we had eaten, our slightly bloody-legged son was watching a moth that was thrashing around on the pavement. Naturally, after watching it for a few moments, he stomped on it. When he saw that the moth's body was now stuck to the underside of his show, he started violently scraping his shoe on the ground. That didn't work, so he started screaming and looking down in the general direction of his shoe. I'm pretty sure the people at the next table saw our child screaming and looking down in the area of his bloodied leg and assumed he had a boo-boo. Sadly, his parents were laughing at the whole ordeal. In our defense, we were laughing at the fact that he was freaking out over a moth stuck on his shoe, not a cut on his leg.

Anyway, we got into our Jeep and got on the road to head home. Since the top was still down, our kids were freezing all the way home because it had gotten a little chilly. I thought about turning the heat on but that would have been just selfish since none of that heat would have reached our kids in the back.

So, to sum it all up, I really don't think my wife and I are bad parents. It's not like we drove around in thirty degree weather with the top down. We would only do that if the kids were acting up a lot and we had to prove that we weren't joking with them when we said we'd make both of them ride around in the back of the Jeep with the top down in thirty degree weather. Again, that's only if we had to absolutely prove something.

You do know I'm joking right? Right?! Answer me or so help me, I'll strap you in the back of that Jeep and drive around with the top down in thirty degree weather! Don't give me that look! Do you think I'm joking? Do you?! You do, don't you? Let's go! Take your coat OFF and get in that seat! Who's joking now, huh? HUH?!!

Have a great night.

No Whining This Time. I Promise.

Work had its irritating moments today but that's life I guess. I'm trying to tone down my internal whining about work. In all honesty, I think the reason I'm letting things get to me more is because I'm under the impression that I'll be leaving soon for another job. That might not be the case so I'd better learn to live through the day without giving myself anymore headaches.

I know I'm very prone to do this, but this whole situation makes me think of a Simpsons episode where Homer is quitting his job at the Nuclear Power Plant for a job at the bowling alley (I think). Anyway, on his final day, he does all these horrible things since he just knows he'll never be back. As he drives away from the plant he throws a match behind him and burns a small wooden bridge leading to the plant. Ah, literal imagery of old cliches. Good stuff.

Anyway, it's late and I have to work this weekend. Thankfully, this is Labor Day weekend so I don't anticipate it being very busy. Also, I'm off Monday and then again on that Friday.

What was I complaining about again?

So What Do You Want To Do?

That's the question that I get asked a lot when people hear that I've applied at the Apprentice School. Particularly, people I work with have asked me that question and I really have to hold back from saying, "Well, if I even get the job, there's a good chance, whatever field I end up in, that my salary will finally inch past the national poverty level."

Sad isn't it?

The amount of responsibility and even risk that I have at my current job would, in a perfect world, warrant my being "gainfully employed". At least slightly. Instead, I and my peers are told, in essence, that whenever something goes wrong at the branch level and it has cost the company some profit, then we are responsible. Conversely, when things go right (i.e. our branch nets a huge amount of money) suddenly the manager and his sales counterpart reap the benefits in the form of monthly thousand dollar plus bonuses. Nevermind the possibility that I and my coworkers could have had a hand in it. Thankfully, when our branch is doing really well, our manager occasionally purchases pizza for us, which he later sends up an expense request for.

Yes, I know that is what happens when you are in an entry level position in a fairly large company but it does get old. For example, one of our semi-upper management members sent an email to our area discussing, among other things, what folks in my current position are doing wrong. This email basically set forth the premise that I, and my peers, are grossly overpaid for the amount of work we do. This is the same person that, when challenged on this topic, would say, "You are awesome at what you do. Keep up the good work. Wish I had more like you." Come on. Do I really seem that naive? (Umm, don't answer that.)

I suppose this is one of those talents that you have to possess in order to move up in this company: the ability to agree with someone completely but still tell them that they are dead wrong. I mean that in all seriousness. I could sum up so many "discussions" with this manager with the following made up quote: "I know you would never do this but I have to tell you anyway and don't worry; I know every possible question and concern you could possibly have so don't bother saying anything. If you do say anything contrary, I will simply agree then tell you how you are an overpaid moron. Have I told you lately how much this company would miss you if you left? It would take us a matter of hours to find a chimp that could do your job better than you. And that includes all the time that he would spend throwing his own feces against the wall."

Wow. I guess I've got a little bit of pent up frustration about work. What was this post supposed to be about anyway? Oh yeah, my future career aspirations. Can you tell that those aspirations don't lie with my current job? I hope I was vague enough in my griping so that I don't have to resort to editing my profile so I'm a little more anonymous. Anyway, I'd better go now. Believe it or not, I feel much better. Thank you. Thank you for not ratting me out to my boss. 'Night!

Writing When I'm Tired

Over the years I've found that when I try to write (at least creatively) when I'm really tired, I have a lot more fun.

Oh, nevermind. My stupid cat just did something stupid that I've now stupidly got to deal with. Stupid.

Have I ever mentioned that I am completely over my cat? I like to believe that once he becomes an adult cat and not an insane, ultra-hyper, pcycho-kitty, that I will like him more. As for now, the phrase that describes him most for me "immensely annoying".

If there are any cat lovers out there reading this, just know this: I used to love cats, too, until recently when I discovered that they are actually immensely annoying.

More About Rainy Mornings

Well, it's Saturday, I'm off, and it's kinda rainy. Despite my last post about rainy mornings, I have to admit that I'm a little disappointed. I guess it's just not what I thought it would be. I mean, I'm still enjoying the morning so I guess I shouldn't complain. I think the whole problem is that I really like sunny mornings instead of rainy ones. Wait. I mean I really like snowy mornings. Not the ultra-sunny snowy mornings where even the darkest sunglasses can't help your eyes. I mean the super overcast and dark snowy mornings when sound is muffled and I don't have to go to work.

Now I've got it all figured out. I just like the mornings that I don't have to work or basically do anything. Yes, those are the mornings I like. For now...

Rainy Mornings

I love rainy mornings. To be honest, I wish I had more rainy mornings on my days off. Instead, it's usually a rainy morning on a work day. I don't why I like rainy mornings so much. It's probably because it sort of gives me license to sleep in and hang around the house without feeling guilty.

Oh well. As much as I'd like to be slack around the house today, I've got to go to work and be slack. Oops. I mean, I've got to simply go to work. Have a great rainy day! Enjoy it, those of you who don't know how good you've got it.

Riddle Answer

I was looking at the forecastfox area in the bottom right hand corner of my Firefox browser. Yes, it really is that boring of a riddle. Sorry, I hope it didn't sound too creative because, really, it wasn't.

Kinda Lazy

I've gotten really slack in the creative writing department here at my blog. My two readers are probably quite disappointed (I'm one of the readers by the way). Anyway, lately I've gotten distracted by selling junk on eBay. Last week I listed my "vintage" Vac-Man toy. I listed it at $4.99 and it closed at $64.01. Pretty darn good. The only problem is that the person that won said they made a mistake when they keyed one of their bids. This person claims he typed a comma instead of a decimal when bidding. I find all this out twenty minutes before the bidding ended.

The buyer, who is in Canada, said he meant to type $55. I noted that the next runner up had a rating of 92% while the winner has a solid 100% rating so I agreed to the $55. Today the buyer tells me that he misunderstood something about the shipping amount and that he cannot buy this item.

My knee jerk reaction was to leave this person negative feedback and relist the item. However, I'm willing to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and mutually withdraw our transaction. Unfortunately, I have to wait for this person to respond to the withdrawal. Oh well, at least he wasn't acting like a jerk about it despite how I may or may have not depicted him in this post.

In semi-related news, the price for the Xbox 360 was announced today. Here's the official press release. Or, more accurately, the prices were announced. That's right: Microsoft is releasing two different versions of their new console. The first one, or Xbox 360 Core System as it is officially called, will be priced at $299. This system will include the console, one wired controller, video cables, and an ethernet cord. The other one, or Xbox 360, will be priced at $399. It includes the console, one wireless controller, Xbox Live Headset, 20GB detachable HD, video cables, and a multimedia remote control.

Ouch!

I, along with many people (read: geeks) in the gaming community were a bit shocked at this price point. Not too long ago, it was implied that the Xbox 360 would be about $300 and that the wireless controller and hard drive would be standard. I think what most people are upset about is not so much the price (which is a bit steep) but more the fact that developers now have to create games that act like the hard drive is not there. Many gamers are afraid that quality will suffer.

Whatever. While following all of that crap keeps me entertained, the real meat of the issue is this: Will I be able to sell enough crap on eBay before the Xbox 360 ships (sometime in November) in order to buy one? I hope so. Sadly, my wheels are constantly spinning whenever I see something in my house that we're not using anymore. I'm always thinking, "I wonder how much I could get for this on eBay?" And it's not just because I want to blow a few hundred dollars on a video game system. Oh no. It was actually quite recently that it dawned upon me that I could used eBay to fund my next-gen console dream.

Well, I'll stop for now. I've gotten a bit wordy and I didn't even write anything creative. Except for this riddle: I see four suns and two moons obscured slightly by clouds. Ever-changing, ever present, ever constant. What am I looking at?

I'll have the answer to that spur of the moment pathetic riddle posted soon if I remember that I've even posted it. Until next time... Well, BYE!

Xbox Mature Gamers :: View topic - Coyote attack video

Check out this video. If you listen real close, you can almost hear the coyote growl right before it strikes.Coyote attack video

Some Vacation Pictures

I promised some pictures from our vacation so, naturally, I feel obliged to follow through. Anyway, here are a few shots:

This was actually the last night of our vacation but it's the only one with the most people in the shot.

I love this one of Joy and Molly on the beach when we were collecting sea shells.

This should be labeled as one of the most dangerous playgrounds available to children. I don't want to go into too much of it right now but I'll leave it at this: whenever Molly and Caleb went down the slide (yes, I let them go down the slide) the whole slide would shake and shift with their weight as they went down. Kind of scary.

Caleb, a couple of days after his sunburn. You can still make out the left over ruptured blister on his left cheek.

Joy, as we were driving back from Ocrakoke. Isn't she loverly?

Yours truly. Yes, I took this picture of myself while I was driving 65mph down the highway.

There will be more to come. It's just really late right now.

Back From Vacation

Well, my vacation ended when we came back home Sunday afternoon. It's now Wednesday and I'm finally getting around to putting something new up on my blog. Oh well. Hopefully by this weekend I'll be able to post some of the pictures I took. Speaking of pictures, I only used one of my 128MB SD cards and I was able to squeeze 132 pictures onto it. That's a lot of pictures. Anyway, it's good to be back but not back at work. Look for pictures soon.

Vacation

I am officially on vacation as of riiiiight... now.

Ahhh. That feels good. So how are you? Really? That's good. Oh, sorry to interrupt you but could you focus more on my shoulders? I've got a lot of tension there. Thanks. Anyway, you were saying? That's terrible! Why? Didn't you see the pedestrian crossing sign? I agree. If the city is going to let tree branches cover up an important sign like that, then let them take the vehicular manslaughter charge.

Back to reality now. We are going to Nags Heads, NC tomorrow morning and we're leaving early. And when I say "early" I'm talking, like, 9am. 10:30 tops. (Just kidding. That's not the planned time, but I'm being realistic. I know my family and in-laws quite well.)

I will be taking lots of pictures with my digital camera. At first, I thought I was going to have a dilemma with my camera. I have one 128MB SD card in my camera which normally holds up to about one hundred pictures but I was afraid that I would go through all of those. Then I remembered that I have another 128MB card in my PDA. Since I hardly ever use the card in the PDA, that automatically opens up another hundred pictures. Now, if I actually go on vacation to Nags Head and burn through two hundred pictures, then you know that I'm simply wasting pictures.

Well, that's all. I'll be sure to update my blog when I come back and I'll send up as many pictures as my flickr account will allow. Have a great week!

Another Weird Dream

I worked this weekend so I am responsible for our branch's pager. When I get paged, it's almost always from our central message center. Anyways, last night I dreamed that I got paged around 3:24am by the Discovery channel.

That's right, this cheap little pager displayed a 1-800 number and the words "Discovery Channel". First of all, how did the Discovery channel get my number? Secondly, what did they want with me? And finally, if I did have some sort of information the Discovery channel needed, couldn't it have waited until normal business hours? I mean, was someone's life on the line? I was trying to sleep and some quasi-science channel is bothering me?! I guess I'll have to reconsider my decision to do freelance work for them during Shark Week.

Stuff That I Will Be Parting Ways With Soon (For a Price)

This is something that I've been keeping track of in my head lately so I decided to post it here so I could (hopefully) remember everything. Anyway, I'm going to be selling some more of my junk on eBay soon. I was going to list some items this week but, since I'm going out of town next week, I decided that just wouldn't be a good idea. Without further ado, here is a short list of items that should be going up on the world's biggest online yard sale in a couple of weeks:

Vac-Man, Arch Enemy of Stretch Armstrong (in box)

Peavey black and white Electric Guitar with gig bag

Peavey Envoy 110 Amplifier

Two Distortion Pedals: Metal and Chorus (I think they are Boss pedals)

Argus 300 Slide Projector with carrying case

Radio Shack PRO-2048 Radio Police Scanner (manual in printed .pdf format)

Hard to Find (or so I'm told) U2: Elevation 2001 Live from Boston double DVD set

Original Paperback Novel version of Star Wars dated 1977

Authentic Soviet officer's Hat (No idea what rank), tag (in Russian) still attached)

Other stuff that I happen to stumble upon at a thrift store.

The Fall

It was dark outside and there was a storm coming. I went to my car to hang up a couple of tools on the nails that protruded from the wooden walls on the inside. As I turned around, holding my son, I heard thunder rumble from far away. While facing the front of the house, our gazes were turned to the wide open area on our left. No trees, buildings, or any structure stood over there. Still, I looked to see a black shadowy figure falling slowly from the sky; its arms flailing about before it struck the ground. I could not discern any features on this figure other than the fact that it was human and wore an overcoat, similar to what a woman would wear in 19th century London.

Where did this person fall from? There was no platform of any kind from which to launch him/herself. I also noted that there had been no sound of any sort of aircraft flying overhead. Strange experience.

I should inform you that this was a dream. An odd one to be sure but, believe it or not, it was also terrifying. In retrospect, I'm not sure why it was so scary. I think it may have more to do with the overall creepy feeling of the dream, not necessarily the person falling. Anyway, have a great day.

Daylight Saving Time To Last Nine Months?

I was totally surprised when I read this story this evening. (Link) Personally, I kinda like it getting dark earlier in the fall months. Anyway, I guess the only question remaining is: Why not make December, January, and February daylight saving time also? Then we could just drop the whole "daylight saving time" phrase once and for all.

Maybe this year when I get off work on Halloween, I'll be able to spend more time trick or treating with my kids instead of coming to see that they're almost done. Have a great night!

My Daughter's Chant.

"906 O.K.I.R." That's what my daughter was chanting while playing with one of the various toy cars in my house. The funny part was that she was saying it like it was some sort of cheer. Kids are strange sometimes. Goodnight!

Trouble

.

The board game of "Trouble" was put to use by my son. The look of concentration on his face is comical if not somewhat "troubling".

By the way, he put all of those pieces on his left hand; I helped him with his right.

It Ain't Necessarily So

A week ago I published an entry to this blog describing (in great detail) how my iPod Shuffle came to an untimely end. When I wrote that, every single word was true. However, things have changed.

A few hours after publishing that, I tried my iPod and [gasp!] it WORKED! The play/pause button is a little less responsive but other than that it's working perfectly! I guess I made the right decision in letting it dry out for a few days instead following my initial gut reaction which involved the iPod being thrown against the wall in unrestrained anger.

So, for all of you out there that have been mourning for the past week, I apologize. Just know that your tears were not shed in vain, for I, too, thought the iPod Shuffle was gone for good. Have a great evening and sorry about the extended delay between posts. That will change as soon as I start posting more often.

Have a great night!

iPod Shuffle, I Hardly Knew Ya

About three weeks ago, I was able to "purchase" a 1GB Apple iPod Shuffle through the reward points program at my job. In other words, I got this cool gadget with no out of pocket expense. It's a great mp3 player. Some people may be turned off by the fact that it doesn't have a display at all but that never bothered me at all. You can load a play list from your computer onto the shuffle, or let iTunes (the program it was made to work with) pick a playlist at random. I really enjoyed using the shuffle on my forty-five minute commute to and from work everyday. But, alas, this love affair was not long for this world due to one fatal flaw in the iPod Shuffle's design: It's so stinking small and light!

Each day I went to work with it, I would take it and put it in my right pants pocket since I knew that the heat that would be present in my car all day could potentially damage the sensitive electronic components. And, when I got home at night I would take it inside and put it on my dresser where it could rest peacefully away from my two year old and my cat. Of course, coming home from work with coffee mugs, soda cans, etc. meant that I would typically put the Shuffle in my pocket during the trip from my driveway to my bedroom. Therein lies the rub.

On at least three different occasions, I was getting ready to leave for work and could not find my preciousss. I mean my precious mp3 player (oops). Then, each time, I would go look in the hamper and, sure enough, there was my iPod: in the pocket of my pants, in the dirty clothes.

Ah, dirty laundry in the hamper. An image that will haunt me for years to come, I'm sure. A couple of weeks ago, I got up for work and realized that I did not have any clean pants. Not only were they dirty, they were apparently the only dirty clothes in the hamper. As I started the washing machine in a panic for fear that I'd be late for work, I fussed at my wife saying, "Why did you wash everything else but my work pants?" Strange how our words come back to haunt us.

Thursday night, I came home from work in the usual way. My wife took my daughter up to the hospital to see our new baby nephew (see pics below). I knew that I had to drop a bill off so I grabbed my wallet, keys, and... where was the iPod? I searched my dresser casually, then a sense of dread came over me. From my room I could hear the washing machine's steady mechanical motion. I swear the swishing of the water and motor harmonized and sounded like: SHOR FUL- SHOR FUL- SHUF FULL-SHUF FULL- SHUFFLE!! I ran to the hamper and started digging through the dirty clothes, frantically searching for my work pants. They weren't in there. I threw open the lid of the washing machine.

It looked just like a murder scene. Khaki pants, wet and twisted into unnatural positions, filled the tank. I pulled out the first pair and shoved my hand into the pockets. Not there. I pulled out the next pair - empty pockets. Then I saw it.

Time seemed to slow down when I laid my eyes upon the iPod Shuffle resting peacefully at the bottom of my washing machine tank under about three inches of water. I plunged my hand into the water in a vain attempt at saving its poor, defenseless life. I looked at the water droplets that now covered its white little frame and shook it gently. A small splashing sound answered. Water. Water had infiltrated the iPod Shuffle's design.

I had plans for this little mp3 player. I start my vacation on the outer banks of North Carolina in about three weeks and I was already mentally setting up a vacation/beach mix that would last us all week in our car (the thing could run twelve hours on a single charge for crying out loud!). I was planning to link it to the Xbox 360 (which you can supposedly do) when it finally comes out.

Funny how our plans get tossed aside in this life. Despite all my plans, I never planned on this: Selling it on eBay with this title: "Inoperable iPod Shuffle Due to Water Submersion".

Apple iPod Shuffle: June 17th, 2005 - July 7th, 2005.

Baby Pictures and Some Other Stuff

Finally, I'm posting some pictures of baby Christian Kent Moss and a few others. If you want to view some of the other pictures from that night, just click any of the pictures below or my flickr link to the right. Anyway, here's the baby:

George, the proud papa just after the birth. Sorry it's not very high quality but I was on the outside of the nursery taking this picture.

Wayne, Caleb, and Molly in the waiting room at the hospital. What they're sitting in is actually a magazine rack.

Even though you can't see the baby at all in this one, this is a great shot. There's a nurse, George, and George Sr. seeing the baby. A Kodak moment.

Chloe playing around in Suzanne's hospital room.

Pictures of the New Baby

Christian Kent Moss was born at 8:55pm on Wednesday, July 6th, 2005. He weighed in at 8lbs. 8oz. I don't know the length, but then again, I never knew the length of my own kids at their birth. On to the pictures...

Okay, so I don't actually have any pictures of the baby yet. I mean, I have some that were taken from a distance but they don't actually count. However, tonight my wife is going to the hospital to see the baby and I've sent my digital camera with her. So I should have some pictures online tonight.

If not tonight, then definitely tomorrow night. Or, Saturday morning. You get the idea.

Hospital Trip

My brother-in-law and his wife are having their second child today. My wife has been at the hospital since around 9am this morning providing moral support. No baby yet but I'm sure he'll be along soon enough. I'm off today, so I'm going to take the kids with me up to the hospital in a little while to see the baby (once he's born that is). As soon as possible, I'll post some pictures.

I'll also post some pictures of Caleb's new buzz cut. He looks very much like Charlie Brown now, with his large bulbous head. Later...

Independence Day

Happy Independence Day, America! In honor of this solemn time, my family and I will be eating grilled hamburgers and hotdogs. And possibly get in someone's swimming pool. In all seriousness, I wonder how many children in our public school system know anything about our nation's birth. Sad.

Again: Happy Independence Day, America!

The Pig

Alternate title: How to Fill Empty Space

The day the pig got out will always live on in the memories of everyone on the farm. Paul, the oldest of the farmer's sons opened the gate with a bag of feed under his right arm. Before closing the gate, he stopped and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his gloved hand. That was all the time the pig needed.

He had been waiting for this moment all day. He had casually, secretly watched Paul go about his chores, his heart pounding with anxiety. Now, he darted between Paul's legs, sending the feed bag flying in the air and sending Paul to the ground. Never in his fifteen years had Paul seen a pig run so fast.

Unfortunately for the pig, he was headed for the barn...

Stay tuned for new "The Pig" episodes. Each one is more meaningless and boring than the one that preceded it.

(Yes, I really plan on adding to this story. Now who's the sucker for reading my blog?)

Renting Movies

Over the past few years I have found that when we rent a movie and we don't watch it on the first night, we will not watch it at all. Sure, we have the DVD for 5 days but, somehow, that just isn't enough. The movies we rent for my daughter, however, are different somehow.

My five year old daughter is able to watch a rented DVD not once, not twice, but a staggering eighty-three times in five short days. I admit that figure sounds a bit high (and it probably is) but that's really what it seems like. I've heard the story of how Strawberry Shortcake met Cocoa Calypso so many times now that I really have to struggle to remember what my wife and I even rented. On the plus side, that Cocoa Calypso does sing a catchy song. The chorus is: "With all that I've got/ With all that I've found/ Why would I need anybody around." Sounds a bit dark but the upbeat musical score juxtaposes the mood nicely.

I could probably list several titles that I've rented that have never seen the inside of my Xbox but this week's casualty is the romantic comedy "Hitch" starring Will Smith and Kevin James. There it sits upon my shelf, staring blankly at the ceiling. If it could, I know that the "Hitch" case would be thinking: "Why did they rent me? They haven't even cracked me open to see the graphic on the disc. I mean, they could have at least returned me after the first day for a dollar credit. But, no... And listen to that Strawberry Shortcake. She gets all the love. How I hate that little tart."

Sheesh. That "Hitch" movie is mean. Oh well, with all that I've learned, with all that I've found, why do I rent movies and leave them lying around?

Fin

Yard Sale Pics

Yes the yard sale is officially over. It was fun and we learned a lot. Mainly we learned this: Do not have anymore yard sales. They are exhausting and not very profitable. I wonder how much more could we have made had I sold that stuff on eBay? I guess it's for the best that I didn't use eBay, because if I did it would've taken close to three months, given my selling track record.

Anyway, this last picture sums up the overall reaction to how we did this weekend. Have a great day!

Yard Sale

This time, the yard sale is taking place at my house. In my front yard to be exact. Last night, my wife and I took a TON of stuff out of our attic and this morning we started hauling it all outside. Our neighbor around the corner is having a yard sale, too. Hers started yesterday and is continuing today. Unfortunately, she is some pretty stiff competition, so we're going to have to take drastic measures to disrupt her little "rummage sale" (not that she's calling it that- I just didn't want to confuse our customers).

Anyway, I'll post some pictures in a little while.

My Dad

Sometimes, my dad thinks he was a bad father. He thinks that since he didn't take his kids fishing enough, or hunting, or to ball games, that he must be a bad father. He thinks that he just did not spend enough time with us. With that being said, he might find it strange that all of my childhood memories revolve around being together as a family.

I don't mean "being together" in that we lived together so we really had no choice (although, at times, I'm sure that was the case). I mean all those weekends we spent together as a family; all of those road trips we took together as a family. I still remember waiting with my brother for my dad to get off the bus from work. When we saw him, we would run up to him and he would greet us with a wide smile and a loving hug. I want my kids to look at me like that someday. I want my kids to look up to me the way I looked up to my father then. The way I still do now.

As a kid, there was never a jar lid too tight, a box too heavy, or a shelf too high for my dad. To me, my dad was Superman. And as far as I'm concerned, he still is.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you.

Newborn Baby Hayden

June 12th 2005 041
Originally uploaded by Faron Oakes.

Our nephew Hayden was born on Tuesday, June 15th, 2005. I have no idea what time but I do know that he weighed in at 9lbs 5oz. My wife may continually catch "the baby bug" but I've had my immunizations so I am pretty much safe.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I love babies. I loved my kids when they were babies; I just don't really want anymore right now.

Back on the subject, if you want to see some more pictures of the baby, click the picture or the flickr link on the right. Have a great night!

Finally!!

I stumbled across this today. Cereality is some sort of new fast food idea. The perfect food now has a restaurant designed for it. I love it! When will this be in my town?

My Gripe with Cereal

Despite the title of this post, I love cereal. Anyone that knows me could tell you that. I've been to breakfast buffets before and made more trips for the cold cereal than anything else on the buffet. But anyway, here is my gripe: the bags.

Why can't the cereal manufacturers get this right? After opening the cardboard top, I am faced with a plastic bag containing the actual cereal. But I can't just grab the bag with both hands, pull, and expect it to open. That would be too simple. I am forced to examine the glue seal, diligently searching for its weak spot. Once I think I've found the right spot, I steadily tug at either side of the bag. Then, I move my hands just a little further over in an effort to start the opening over a wide area at the top of the bag. Just when I'm confident that the bag will open cleanly and smoothly, I apply a little more pressure and, RIPCRUNCH!! The bags opens but is ripped down its side, instantly causing the cereal to go stale. It is now impossible to close this bag properly.

My plea to Kelloggs, Post, General Mills, etc. is this: Please make a better bag! I'm not asking for a "zip-lock" bag; that's not cost efficient. I'm just asking for a bag that will withstand the violent opening procedure. Please hear my cry! I cannot, nay, will not, switch to another breakfast food. I am at your breakfast mercy. Serve up a bowl of sympathy for me.

Actor James Belushi Dies in Shootout with Police

At least that's what happened in my dream. For some reason there was a standoff between Belushi and the police department. He was inside of a home (not sure if it was his or not) and the police were all stationed outside. At some point, he was yelling at a little boy and there was a gunshot; he killed the little boy. I don't remember how things escalated so quickly but, somehow, there was a gun battle and it was announced later on the evening news that Jim Belushi was dead.

It's strange how dreams come about. I haven't watched Jim Belushi's show; I haven't even heard of any police stand-offs in the news lately but out of the blue this dream pops in my head. It's so random that I decided to post it here in the unlikely event that something similar to this happens to Mr. Belushi. Then I will be heralded as some sort of clairvoyant, which is actually my life dream. That, or a professional writer. Whichever.

Star Wars Gangsta Rap

I saw this four or five years ago and, thanks to the folks over at XMG, I've run across it again. If you haven't seen it before, do yourself a favor and go check it out. I think it's hilarious. More real posting later. Bye!

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad

On June 6, 1970, my parents were married. Over the past thirty five years they haven't traveled the world, they haven't backpacked across europe, they haven't lived in a huge house, they haven't owned fancy sports cars, they haven't been members of an exclusive country club. Over the past thirty five years they've needed one thing: each other. Throughout my entire childhood, I remember my parents doing their best to spend as much time as possible together (and with us kids). I remember my parents regularly having a sitter over to watch my brother, sister, and me while they went out for dinner and a movie.

I've learned so much from my parents. More than I think they will ever come to understand. I've learned that, in marriage, you don't have to constantly surround yourself with "busy" activities like hanging out all night with friends while your wife is home alone with the kids. I've learned that it is never appropriate to put your spouse down (even in jest) in front of other people. I've learned all of this by example.

My wife and I have been married for nine years now and each day is a learning experience; each day is an adventure. Of all the lessons I learn in my own marriage, the best lesson was learned early on in my life: Saying "I do" means something. It means sticking by the one you love no matter how rough the road gets, no matter how dark the storm clouds in life become. Two have become one.

Happy 35th Anniversary, Mom and Dad! Your love inspires me.

Yard Sales and Cereal

We spent a lot of time going to various yard sales today. Joy goes for the true enjoyment of getting a good deal. I went with the intention of finding some nifty little item that I could sell on eBay. Alas, it was not to be today. For me, anyway. Joy found tons of great deals. The closest thing I came to was an old radio/8-track player. Unfortunately, the antenna was broken off and it looked rather crappy so I decided against parting with ten dollars for it.

After the yard sale "extravaganza" (as my wife would love to call it), we started rearranging our house a little bit. The main goal was to move the older computer (which I'm typing this on right now) from my daughter's room into the dining room using a desk we got from my brother-in-law last week. That goal has been met. However, over the course of the evening and in the spirit of rearranging, we started working on our kids' rooms. Yuck.

Our children accumulate lots of stuff. We don't shower them with gifts but what they do get is either an annoying noise maker or is small, sharp, and painful to step on barefoot. Anyway, we bagged up some of the stuff for an attic trip and an upcoming yard sale when I realized that I hadn't eaten. Cereal sounded good but we were out of milk (and, frankly, any good cereal) so I made a midnight milk and cereal run to Harris Teeter.

It's kind of funny, I think. People go to the grocery store at midnight for a host of reasons: medicine for the baby, diapers, toilet paper. But not us. We go out at night to get milk and cereal. We are a wild and crazy bunch. Excuse me while I finish my Raisin Bran.